Ruffling Feathers

 “Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
1 Sam. 16:7

 
Why is it that man is never called to judge, but only to love? Is it because there is nothing worth judging? Of course not! Evil is Real. Sin is Real. Judgment is called for, but man is not given that responsibility– Judgment is reserved for the Creator himself, and it makes sense why. Only God, who created hearts, who knows the inner depths of hearts, could possibly be able to actually judge hearts. As humans, we tend to judge the heart based on the external appearance because that is all our limited vision can see. Our job; MY job– to Love. (**Qualifier- love is not synonymous with ignoring issues or being passive when you see a person you care about engaging in wrongful activity. Love is not blind- it chooses to see the “dirt” and accept the person where they are at. It chooses to enter into the mess and journey forward.)
 
Let me tell you about a heart that I love…
Bong Peul (not actual name) was recently promoted to team leader in his department. I have watched him step up and really take this position seriously. He works hard and is doing an incredible job. When I see him, he greets me with a huge smile and friendly hello. He has a pleasant spirit and kind heart. During workshop on Thursday, Bong Peul shared how he believes that God has a plan for his life and has the right person for him. He believes that one day he will get married and have a family… Bong Peul has thick, long hair that comes almost all the way down his back. His nails are often painted, and his tight fitting “Cute Girls” shirt with skinny jeans appears to be a favorite outfit. From an outside stance, one would look at Bong Peul and simply identify that he’s a ladyboy, or transgender. This “identity” has caused him to be ostracized, belittled, and abused. Mistreated. Misunderstood. and Misjudged.
 
“Back up a second, didn’t you say that he believes in God? Why is he still dressing like a girl, why is he still acting like a girl? I thought he said he wanted a wife and family?” Let me pause here a moment: I can hardly tell you just how much I am learning and how much more I crave to learn! I’m just in the beginning stages, but want to share part of this journey of learning and my own convictions. I know this topic is controversial and has the potential to raise a lot of blood pressures, but I would rather ruffle some feathers, agree to disagree, or have some healthy pushback than simply not talk about the topic because it’s messy.
 
I’m currently reading a book by a man named Andrew Comiskey, who shares his own story about engaging in a lifestyle of homosexuality and his journey to Christ and pursuing sexual wholeness. “Journey” and “wholeness” – these words do not describe a simple or orderly process for anyone; neither does anyone fully “arrive” at either in this life. However, that does not diminish God’s power to heal hearts and lead lives. Comiskey’s story has been challenging and enlightening for me.
He says, “defining a person as a homosexual seems to give homosexual feelings inordinate power to identify them.” Instead of referring to people as “homosexual”, he says that the individual has “homosexual tendencies” or “feelings”. The “feelings” are not the same as the person. I had never thought of this separation before, but it is profound, not just in regards to homosexuality but for any struggle a person might have.
 
Jealousy, discontentment, pride… these are all feelings which I discover frequently trying to take hold of my mind and heart. I do not wear these feelings externally, like Bong Peul in his favorite girl-style clothes, and I often hide behind the false pretense that what cannot be physically seen is not actually there. Or, what cannot be seen is at least not as bad…But what happens when I allow the mirror to penetrate to my insides and expose the feelings within? Am I doomed to simply be a jealous person my whole life? Discontent person? Prideful person? Do those feelings define who I am?
What if someone came to me and said, “Jenny, you can’t help that you feel discontentment. That’s just how God made you and you need to come out of the closet and embrace who you are- a discontent person…”

"Hm.." I think to myself, "well God created me, so that must mean if I am a discontent person at my core then he created me this way and he said everything he created is good, so being a discontent person must actually be ok… even Good for me!"
Recognize this logic? I may struggle with feelings of discontentment, but that does not mean that I am a discontent person. Those feelings may be so strong within me and a constant temptation and struggle- but I am not the same as those feelings.
 
It appears to me that society’s attempts to set people free as “homosexuals” actually does the opposite- it binds them to a particular set of feelings and implies that those feelings are a part of the root of their identity. To deny their feelings would be to deny who they are! So a person who may already be wrestling with who they are and what is “normal” may feel all the more pressured and confused by the message that they Are what they Feel.
 
Let’s add Christianity to the mix and the issue becomes even more complicated and confusing for people. The person with homosexual feelings is told that homosexual relations are wrong and simultaneously told- if you feel homosexual attraction then that is who you are. They are left to conclude that who they are at their core is wrong if they follow the Christian way. They see no place for themselves in Christianity because how can they stop being who they are? I think the answer is not to deny the feelings or declare that the feelings are even wrong, but to deny that the person’s identity is tied to any set of feelings they have, sexual or other.
 
Let’s acknowledge these homosexual feelings and help individuals who desire differently learn how to respond to their feelings in a way that honors the Lord, the same way I need to respond to my feelings of jealousy, discontentment or pride in a way that honors the Lord. Suppressing feelings or glorifying them are extremes to be avoided.

Why the Glorification??
I think society’s tendency to glorify the “homosexual” rises out of defense for real people who have been marginalized, mistreated, and abused due to a common link of same-sex attraction. What if all the “jealous people” were grouped up and abused too? The treatment is wrong. Period. But defending mistreated people does not mean glorifying the very thing for which they are mistreated. Mistreatment and homosexual feelings are two separate categories.

One is always wrong.
The mistreatment.

The latter should be taken for what it is. Feelings.
Having feelings and acting on feelings are two very different categories.

Let’s set individuals free by not binding them to their feelings.
                               Let’s not run away from people who feel feelings that are foreign to feelings we personally experience.

                                         Let’s not assume that all feelings lead to action.

Who I am is set– created by God. I cannot change who I am, but I can change my response to feelings.

Instead of anger- love. Instead of jealousy- thankfulness. Instead of pride-humility.

Only through the power of Jesus! I am not suggesting the feelings are not Powerful! However, they are not the person.

“Intense sexual feeling cannot alone determine what is basically true about one’s sexuality and one’s humanity in general… the power of the feelings at hand must be faced. And having faced it, each struggler needs to submit the reality of those impulses to the Creator, to grant Him His rightful place as Lord and Redeemer of the struggle” (Comiskey)

“People with a heterosexual orientation are no less fallen than those with homosexual tendencies” (Comiskey)

 
It has been said to me, “Jenny, I can dress like a boy and act like a boy on the outside, but that doesn’t change how I feel inside. I only feel 10% of a man nature…”
“Jenny, I would like to be a man again, please pray I stop having the love for the men…”
 
What do you do when you have conflicting desires? You want to respond in love but all you feel is anger? You want to act with patience but all you feel is irritation? You want to be a man, but all you feel is girl?
 
God does not wait for the “angry person” to stop feeling angry before he comes to them. God does not wait for the “impatient person” to rid themselves of all impatience before he comes. God is not judging Bong Peul by the clothes he wears, but rather, God is most interested in his Heart. Dressing like a boy, getting a boy style haircut… these are good actions only if they are manifestations of the state of the heart. They are virtually meaningless if separated from the heart, if they are just a means to please others and conform to the expectations of others.
 
Bong Peul is learning more about the God who created him and loves him; right now, right where he is at, regardless of hair or dress. Bong Peul is an inspiration to me. He has a hope for a future which contradicts current feelings, current desires, current struggles. Isn’t that what faith is? Being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see? The journey may be long, it may be intense and full of deep valleys, but it is a journey that God will not abandon. I am incredibly honored to be a small part of that journey.
 
Man sees a ladyboy. God sees his Radiant son.