I am not afraid of scorpions… yet

This week my Bible study is focused on Contentment. One of the questions posed by the workbook was "why do you think some of the Israelites hoarded the manna God provided?" (See Exodus 16:14-20 for full story) You see, God commands the Israelites not to keep any manna for morning and to only gather what they need for the day. Yet some people still don't listen, and they try to save some for the next day. To their surpise, in the morning the left over manna is filled with maggots and smells. Why did they hoard the manna after God gave them such specific instructions?

My first thought was, "Well, because they did not trust that God was going to provide enough food for the next day. They wanted to take control into their own hands." I am sure that is part of it, but then a new thought came to my mind. "Perhaps they remembered what it felt like to be starving. Some may have even been close to death. Their hunger was real. It created a fear that they may starve again. Yes, by hoarding the manna, they showed that they were not fully trusting God, but this lack of trust was rooted in a fear of something bad they had already experienced."

I am controlled by many fears. The fears that control me the most stem from situations I have already experienced. I become terrified that these hurtful/ painful experiences will happen again and I do everything I can to prevent them and to protect myself.

This weekend I house sat for a friend. Before she left she told me several times that she hoped I wouldn't be too scared of the scorpions, because she has already found two inside her house in the past month, and several more outside. I told her, "Maybe I should be more afraid of scorpions, but I have never seen one in your house so I just don't feel afraid of them at all!" Even though it is completely possible that I could encounter a scorpion, and even get stung, the idea of being afraid of them seems silly and a little irrational to me. "I fully trust that God will protect me from scorpions. Even if I get stung, it will be ok!" I can say with a laugh. However, this reasoning does little to keep me from fearing getting "stung" by people/experiences that have hurt me in the past. "Do not fear" is one of the most frequent commands in the Bible, yet I have discovered that I justify my fears if they are fears of something painful and real that has affected my life. "Surely God wasn't telling me not to fear that!" I think. 

When someone I love hurts me, then I become afraid that they will hurt me again. Like a child who might fear the anger of his father, I fear potential reactions, potential pain. I become suspicious; looking for patterns that may give me some kind of clue that pain and hurt is coming. Like the first growls of hunger, which signal that starvation is potentially coming if the person does not get food soon. We all know that the first signs of hunger are not even close to being at a point of starvation, however; for a person who has known the pain of starvation, these initial growls can trigger great fear. If I had known how it felt to be starving, would I truly trust that God would provide fresh manna every day? Or would I think "well, he didn't keep me from almost starving before, so how can I trust he won't allow me to suffer that pain again?" The answer is: we don't know. We can't ever know. God never said, "trust that you will never feel hungry again!" He said, "trust that I will give you what you need TODAY. Be content in ME. I AM ENOUGH." No matter how hard I try, I cannot guarentee that I will not be hurt in the same ways I have been before. The point is that contentment has nothing to do with whether or not I experience pain or hurt. Contentment for the Israelites was not dependent on them never experiencing extreme hunger again. Contentment says: God is enough, I am fully satisfied in Him. 

In Paul's letter to the Philippians he says, " I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength" (Phil. 4:11-13). 
Paul says that the secret to being content is allowing God's strength to be enough. God's strength in us does not mean we will not be hungry, or tired, or hurt, or experience pain. It means that God's strength is all we truly need. His strength is what brings us true joy and fulfillment each day. 

God says to me, "Do not fear, for I am with you". And in my heart and mind I have changed His words to say "Do not fear, unless something bad has happened to you, then you should fear that bad thing happening again. I am with you." God does not tell me not to fear because nothing bad will ever happen to me. He tells me not to fear because He is with me! " do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I willstrengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

His strength is enough.