I am standing with Kristen at the corn on the cob cart at the Russian market. Noise, people and chaos are all around me. After 2 hours of Khmer language class my mind feels the exact same way- chaotic.
“How much corn do we need? 12- how do I say that in Khmer again?? How much is this in Riel?”
Kristen and I are counting, adding, translating… other people are all talking, trying to help. Motobikes, cars, tuk tuks are all zooming past, at times only inches behind us, all moving in a haphazard, unorganized manner. Then one more person squeezes into the small area. I turn my head to see a beggar woman. She has her tin jar in hand and is looking right at me.
“Oh no, please don’t ask me for money. Can’t you see I’m busy? Do you just see white skin and think ‘money bags'? Ok, if I just focus on the corn she’ll go away. What is wrong you, Jenny? This is a person, she has a soul! How can you just ignore her?”
I feel light tapping on my arm. She is tapping me and putting her fingers to her lips.
“Stop! Can’t you just go ask someone else? If I help you, what about all of the other people begging on these streets? I can’t provide for them too! I need to be consistent. Corn- just focus on the corn. How do I say 12,000 again in Khmer?”
She remains behind me.
“Lord, what do I say? What do I do? Look at her hungry eyes, say ‘God bless you’, then leave her unblessed by me- God’s ambassador??– No.”
“Give her money? So she can spend it on what? What about everyone else?– No.”
“If she would just leave, I wouldn’t have to think about this; I could just focus on corn! Oh Lord, is
that a little boy behind her??"
“ I can ask her how she is, just talk to her with the few phrases of Khmer I know, but how do you ask someone begging how they are doing? That seems cruel!”
Finally- the corn is purchased and we can go. Kristen hands me 1,000 riel change- the exact price for one corn on the cob. I turn around and face the woman. She doesn’t hold out her tin like I expect her to, instead she points at the corn.
“Of course! I can buy her corn! I hadn’t even thought of that.”
I hand the man my money- hand the woman the corn and she beckons her son to her side.
“Awkunh” , she says (Thank you)
“Prayong brahtien pbo niek” Kristen and I say. (God bless you)
I leave with a sense of peace.
I can’t buy corn for every man/woman/child begging in the market. I can’t rescue everyone. However, the solution is not to ignore people unless I can “save” them. Instead, I can respond moment by moment- seeking God in each individual case, for each individual child of God. I don’t need a consistent “plan”, just an open heart and open eyes.
“Lord, may I not shut my eyes to avoid wrestling with the hard issues. Increase my faith that you will instruct me with every person I meet.”
“Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you…I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.”
Then they asked him, “What must we do to do the works God requires?”
Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.”
(John 6:28,29,35)
“I come before the throne of grace on behalf of the woman and her son, asking that bread of life-Jesus- be given. “
How can I give this bread? I can buy a woman corn and feed her for an hour- but how can I tell her about the bread that will fulfill her for eternity- Jesus? How can I give her the bread of life?
Jenny, I am so excited and in awe that you have answered God’s call to minister to the broken and betrayed women in Cambodia. I pray regularly for your safety and effectiveness. Thank you for stepping out to share God’s love and healing. I really understand what you are saying about being so overwhelmed by the needs of the world sometimes that it is hard to hear and see what God is asking of you in the moment. I will recall what you shared many times I am sure as a reminder that God will orchestrate my days and supply me with my needs and all that He wants me to share with others. Your mother has been so important to me throughout my spiritual life and I am not surprised that she and your father have raised you to have a heart for God and “the least of these”. May he rain his blessings on you abundantly and consistently. Donna
jenny,
there is such wisdom in your discovery. it can be overwhelming to live out the kingdom. i’m learning it here in gainesville, too. your post brought more clarity to this conundrum. thank you for your transparency.
much love
You are doing amazing things girl. May God continue to give you his eyes for his people; and may you always strive for his bread.
Thank you for your candor. I so identify w/ much of your experience as i minister on the streets of Phoenix. One thing I often use in making decisions is that i want the person(s) to “NOT feel forgotten.” I pray the God of clarity will guide you—you are right in this approach—one person at a time. I know He will. Keep up the Kingdom work, Jenny.
Well done, Jenny. Both in your response to the woman and in sharing the whole situation with us. It’s a gift.
Good wisdom, Jenny! That story made me so happy. I remember a similar rather recent situation when “a beggar” came to our church premises. I felt Christ telling me to ask “what is in my hand to give?” – and was able to give from the resources at hand around me, which ended up being quite plentiful, instead of just sending her away, though I didn’t have a dollar in my purse. Other times, I have sometimes just ignored the beggar, looking to my empty purse instead of other resources from Christ.
I think it’s easy to ignore beggars or say no to them and turn away. I’m grateful for your courage to wrestle with how to respond like Jesus!
Also: although you can’t feed everyone, God can! Lean on God’s Spirit to meet their needs. Don’t worry about what to say. God will give you the words through the intention of love you form in your heart. The rest will be easy as you watch God give LIFE through you.
I wish I could be there with you.
Every little action matters. It may seem insignificant but God will use that in a way that you may never see or know. And God will bless your obedience to Him. I like how you put that you can respond “moment by moment, seeking God in each individual case”. Our every moment, our every action, our every response does matter.
Thanks for sharing this moment. I wasn’t even aware this had happened. I love hearing your stories and learning what God is teaching you!
I feel the same way with the students here. Each student and each class is different with it’s own set of situations. Thanks for sharing and putting your thoughts into words. If I put my thoughts into words it would go something like this,”God help me with this situation.”
Also just a reminder…we NEED to skype sometime soon. Miss you and been praying for ya.