I am standing with Kristen at the corn on the cob cart at the Russian market. Noise, people and chaos are all around me. After 2 hours of Khmer language class my mind feels the exact same way- chaotic.

“How much corn do we need? 12- how do I say that in Khmer again?? How much is this in Riel?”

Kristen and I are counting, adding, translating… other people are all talking, trying to help. Motobikes, cars, tuk tuks are all zooming past, at times only inches behind us, all moving in a haphazard, unorganized manner. Then one more person squeezes into the small area. I turn my head to see a beggar woman. She has her tin jar in hand and is looking right at me.

“Oh no, please don’t ask me for money. Can’t you see I’m busy? Do you just see white skin and think ‘money bags'? Ok, if I just focus on the corn she’ll go away. What is wrong you, Jenny? This is a person, she has a soul! How can you just ignore her?”

I feel light tapping on my arm. She is tapping me and putting her fingers to her lips.

“Stop! Can’t you just go ask someone else? If I help you, what about all of the other people begging on these streets? I can’t provide for them too! I need to be consistent. Corn- just focus on the corn. How do I say 12,000 again in Khmer?”

She remains behind me.

“Lord, what do I say? What do I do? Look at her hungry eyes, say ‘God bless you’, then leave her unblessed by me- God’s ambassador??- No.”

“Give her money? So she can spend it on what? What about everyone else?- No.”

“If she would just leave, I wouldn’t have to think about this; I could just focus on corn! Oh Lord, is

that a little boy behind her??"

“ I can ask her how she is, just talk to her with the few phrases of Khmer I know, but how do you ask someone begging how they are doing? That seems cruel!”

Finally- the corn is purchased and we can go. Kristen hands me 1,000 riel change- the exact price for one corn on the cob. I turn around and face the woman. She doesn’t hold out her tin like I expect her to, instead she points at the corn.

“Of course! I can buy her corn! I hadn’t even thought of that.”

 I hand the man my money- hand the woman the corn and she beckons her son to her side.

“Awkunh” , she says (Thank you)

“Prayong brahtien pbo niek” Kristen and I say. (God bless you)

I leave with a sense of peace.

I can’t buy corn for every man/woman/child begging in the market. I can’t rescue everyone. However, the solution is not to unless I can “save” them. Instead, I can respond moment by moment- seeking God in each individual case, for each individual child of God. I don’t need a consistent “plan”, just an open heart and open eyes.

“Lord, may I not shut my eyes to avoid wrestling with the hard issues. Increase my faith that you will instruct me with every person I meet.”

“Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you…I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.”

Then they asked him, “What must we do to do the works God requires?”

Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.”

                                                                                      (John 6:28,29,35)

“I come before the throne of grace on behalf of the woman and her son, asking that bread of life-Jesus- be given. “

How can I give this bread? I can buy a woman corn and feed her for an hour- but how can I tell her about the bread that will fulfill her for eternity- Jesus? How can I give her the bread of life?