Be careful what you say in a blue mini van

For some reason I have had a really hard time writing this first blog. I'm a journaler, and have journals filled from cover to cover starting when I was six years old. Yet those entries were between me and God, so it didn't matter how trivial or uninteresting they were, I knew God was fully engaged in the life of his daughter. Blogging seems different. The idea that I would have something interesting and profound enough to share that other people would actually want to read seems unlikely and pressureful. I suppose I just need to think of this as my online journal: the audience is still God, but all are welcome to ease drop on our conversations. My hope is that you will get a glimpse of my heart and take part in the journey God is leading me on. May you be encouraged by God's faithfulness, challenged by different perspectives, not afraid to wrestle with the tough issues and ready to ask hard questions. That is what I will be doing!

Sometimes I wish I could see God's reaction to things I do or say. How many times has He just shaken his head and laughed at the irony of my words. "I know you way better than you know yourself, my daughter. I have given you passions and gifts you haven't even uncovered yet. Just wait and see! "
When I was ten years old, I remember driving with my mom in our blue mini van. I'm not sure what prompted our conversation, but I said to her, "Mom, I don't want to completely give my life to God. If I do, He might make me be a missionary! That would be terrible!" God must have laughed really hard about that one!

Within a few years God began revealing to me His heart for the nations, and to my surprise my own heart began filling with excitement and unrest. I knew I could be a "missionary" anywhere. The mission of sharing God's love and hope is not contingent on where I am at or what I am doing. I also began learning about the injustices around the world. Like many, I  wrestled with the problem of evil and how a good and loving God could allow such autrocities to occur. I continue to wrestle with these "why God" questions, yet it is amazing how when I give everything to Him in prayer, the peace of God, which transcends all understanding truly guards my heart and mind ( Phil. 4: 6-7). God never promised to give me all of the answers, but he did promise to never leave me nor forsake me (Duet. 31:6). Therefore, I can be confident that wherever the Lord leads me, He will be faithful to go before me and walk beside me every step of the way. 

"God what do you want from me?" I asked as I walked along the lake at St. Mary's retreat center in Illinios. It was the first semester of my senior year of college and I had taken a day of solitude to get away and spend time just talking with and listening to the Lord. " I wil go wherever you send me, but I just need to know where that is! I want to know you in new ways."  God answers prayers. 

Cambodia has never been a dream of mine, I've never really pictured myself even going to Asia, but God chose Cambodia for me. When I clicked on the Compassion/Justice track on the Go Corps website, my eyes were immediately drawn to the team helping women trying to come out of the sex trade. I had learned about sex- trafficking during a social justice class my junior year and my heart broke. I have a passion for women and helping them understand what it means to be daughters of the most high king! I love going deep with people and seeing their hearts. Honestly, when I first read about this team, I couldn't have even pointed to Cambodia on a map. I just knew that the vision of this team matched the vision God had placed on my heart. I have since been doing more research on Cambodia and the history of this country, and my heart has continued to break and long for God's hand of restoration on a country that has been devastated by wars, genocides, famines, and pain. God is hope!

Philippians 2: 8-11
" And being found in appearance as a man, Jesus humbled himself and became obedient to death-even death on a cross! Therefore, God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

A declaration of victory! Every pimp, brothel owner, rapist, murderer, abuser… every sinner will bow their knee and confess that Jesus is Lord! I do not need to be overwhelmed by the injustices in the world, because victory has already come through Jesus and is coming through Jesus. I have been invited to join God in his kingdom work right here on earth. I won't end sex trafficking in Cambodia or change the culture, but if I can help one women find wholeness and hope in Christ then my two years in Cambodia was well spent!